An Open Letter to the Future Mother of My Unwanted, Bastard Children

Dear Superfine Girl at My Apartment Complex Who Drives the White Nissan Altima,

I know that big smile you had for me this morning means you want to have my children. I mean, we’re obviously perfect for each other. You drive a white Nissan Altima. I drive a white Nissan Frontier. You’re superfine. I dig girls who are superfine. Kismet, don’t you think? So long as you don’t get jealous about the fact that the uberhot waitress at the Local has a thing for me, we’ll get along just fine.

I’ll see you around the parking lot.

Love always,
Shaun

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