Bio

The bio I submitted will not be appearing on my company’s website:

Born in the scorching Arizona desert in the summer (for it’s always summer in Arizona) of 1980, abandoned by his parents, and raised feral by coyotes until he was 7, Shaun had the ideal upbringing for a technical writer. After being kidnapped from the pack by itinerant monkey trainers, Shaun spent the next several years of his life traveling from circus to circus before finally being sold to a single-A baseball team in rural Mississippi as a mascot.

A shortage of trained IT workers in the late 1990s led Shaun to abandon the fame and glory of his tenure as pride of the Starkville Mud Daubers for what he was assured at the time was the new frontier of commerce. He auditioned to be the mascot for Pets.com, but as would happen many times more in his life, he was edged out by a sock puppet. As a consolation prize, he was awarded a position as their Chief Technology Officer, which he held until the company went bankrupt.

Illiterate, tone-deaf, and only able to communicate through crude hand gestures and yelps, Shaun enrolled at DeVry University, where he graduated at the head of his class in only six months. Soon after, he was picked up at the local humane society by Dr. J_____ S_____. Dr. S_____ thought he was finding a new companion for his beloved labradors, but quickly realized that he also found the future of STS.

« Beard | 8.8.06 | 4pm | Buckets »

2 Comments

You have problems.

Cristin | 8.8.06 | 11pm
Sir, you made me laugh. Brilliant. Though to further stroke your… prowess (in the critique sort of way!), convulsions of brilliance such as this really need to happen more often. How else are you to show the fruits of your colourful background. Yeah, see that? I spelled colour like those crazy freaking brits. I’m s-m-r-t.

Kelvin | 8.9.06 | 9am

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